THE SAMUI CONSPIRACY
This is my second novel, the successor to the Fanling Conspiracy published 16 years previously. Nobody can accuse me of being prolific.
I wonder sometimes why it took me so long to write the follow-up. A number of reasons, I think. One, I got the “writing of a book” thing out of the way with Fanling. Many people think they have one book in them, and I thought that was mine. Write about what you know, is good advice. I followed it, and luckily I knew about Hong Kong law and procedure, as well as HK itself. I found the book easy to write, based largely upon true events. A second book was not in my thoughts for a long time.
Secondly, I was using my writing talents, such as they were, on other things. I was writing lyrics and songs on a regular basis for my band, which took time, and was enjoyable. I also became lead writer to a “lads” magazine (a combination of Loaded and Playboy) which did very well for a while and had a cult following before running out of steam.
Thirdly, I was player-manager of a local football team, and that, plus the social responsibilities (ahem) that went with it, took up much time.
Finally, I was so busy at work, with the Clan case. At times, we hardly had time to breathe.
I left HK in 2004. A big wrench, but made easier by the facts that HK had changed so much (to my mind) after the 1997 handover, that the big case was over, that the band had fallen to pieces, and that I had been offered a lawyer’s job in Samui whilst on holiday. I was very tempted and decided to take it. My friends – and my law partner – thought I was making a big mistake, and tried hard to persuade me otherwise. It was a hard decision, and even now I am not sure I made the right choice. But I gave it a good go. I took the job, but lasted only four weeks. After being my own boss in HK for so long, I found it difficult to take orders! So I bummed around for a few months, before starting my own firm in January 2006.
Luckily the firm did well, but it was not until a few years later that I had the urge to write the second book. Samui is so different to HK in nearly every way. It meant that, hopefully, the book would have a different feel to the first one. I think it does. I think it is not so “manic” as the first one, whether that is a good thing I don’t know. Samui is such a relaxed place, and I guess that comes through in the book.
A few years ago there was much speculation about oil rigs being erected on the coast of Koh Tao, about 40 miles from Samui. There were demonstrations in the street by the locals, unheard of in Samui society. The oil people went away and never came back. The idea stuck in my mind however, as a backdrop to the book.
There has to be a murder, of course, to ensure the trial and a tension-filled finale. Plus other scenes, some hopefully funny, which often (well, sometimes) have a basis in fact.
Ben returns as the lead character. I have to admit he is based upon me, but not to a great extent. He certainly has some qualities I would not be proud of – but others I would be! I thought it a good idea to bring some of the legal crowd down from HK, and I think (hope) that works!
Quotes from the book :
“I love lesbians”, said Ben. ’Just not this lot. I’m sure they cheat with their phones. Nobody needs to go to the toilet so much. They don’t even drink.
——
“Wow, you really are a lawyer then”, said Anne-Marie, “I thought it was a joke.”
——-
She was dancing in her black bra, still thankfully in her short white mini skirt. The crowd were cheering them. Ben was astonished. This was the President of the Thailand Oil Commission!
——
“Do you think you should have told me that Alex was a woman?”.
—–
Only a few hours ago, he had been dining with that vivacious, funny, intelligent woman. Now she was dead.
——
“We know the Thai police, Ben, They’ll be all over me. I just can’t believe it.” Tears were now running down his face.
——-
He could not help notice that the white of her knickers matched the colour scheme of the room very well.
——-
“I suppose so. But…shagging the Judge’s daughter. Good on yer, Ben.” Dennis roared with laughter and patted him on the back. “There’s life in the old dog yet!”
——-
“I may have given him the indication that you were gay.”
“Oh Don”, shouted Ben. “How did you do that?”
“Er…I told him you were gay.
——–
“I’m not having sex with him, no way. I don’t care if the oil floods onto Chaweng beach, I’m not doing it. No!”
——-
Ben sat open-mouthed. It must be a mistake. He still believed Paul to be innocent – this was Paul for God’s sake – but his photo blew a big hole in his defence. Had Alex and Paul been deceiving him?
——–
“Bloody hell, Ben, it seems like you’re the only available gay in the village, I might have to take you home after all!”
——–
“Alex told me that she feared for her life. That the Koh Tao choice was worth so much money, that all parties would do anything to win the bid.”
——–
“How do you know I want a nice girl?” shouted Ben, annoyed with Anne-Marie. He could see Sammy was as mad as a hatter but was actually enjoying her unusual interview technique.
———
They needed a good advocate in court. Not just good, great. There was one person in particular that Ben had in mind.
———
“And keep smiling. Your life is about to change for the better again! I’m back!” He disappeared from the screen, his laugh echoing away like the Joker’s in Batman.
——–
“Well”, said Ben, “We have the dream team back together again. The prosecution has no chance!”
——–
“Although he doesn’t have to give evidence in court, Ben, as you know, in these circumstances I fear for him unless he does so. I have heard about Thai justice.”
———
“So are we going to win this case, or what?” asked Dylan, his eyes fixed on number 28. “Seems a bit dodgy to me.”
———
Oh my. She was as good as her word, Ben had to do very little. He entered her just as Wayne Rooney scored from a free kick.
——–
“I think he will make a sympathetic witness. Let’s hope they have no smoking gun. I would say we have a decent shout.”
——-
“Keep your diseased penis well away. She’s a UK lawyer, Dylan, not a Filipina maid”, said Ben.
——-
“Well, I suppose it is conceivable that she may fancy a mid-fifties, balding, broke, alcoholic. “
——–
“Despite what you might think, I’m not into one-night stands as a rule. I made the exception for you because I felt sorry for you.”
——–
“Hello Ben, it’s Att here. I think you better visit your client in the morning.”
“Why’s that, Inspector?”
“He’s just tried to kill himself.”
– —- – – –
“All I am saying, Ben, is that it is everyone’s interest that Paul be found guilty. Don’t do your job too well. This is Thailand.”
— – – — —
“Hello you”, said Kelly. “I guessed you were working, so I didn’t want to disturb you. Do you like my hair? Blondes have more fun, you know.”
– – – – – –
“I love the rain”, said Kelly. “I love getting wet.”
“I bet you do”, said Dylan. Ben gave him a kick under the table. Kelly luckily did not get Dylan’s smutty crack.
— – —
“I bought a little coke from this guy at the bar. It’s in my pocket.”
“What? Oh my God!” Ben’s head reeled. Caught in possession of even a little coke was a long sentence here.
– – – – – —
Dylan did as he was told and passed the small bag of coke to her under the table. Kelly wriggled a little bit, and then sat upright.
“I’ve stuck it up my vagina.”
— —- —
He hoped Kelly’s vagina was deep enough for the bag of coke. He had of course been acquainted with it on a previous occasion, and in rather different circumstances. He hoped it would stand up to the test as it did last time.
— — — –
“I’ve a good mind to kick the shit out of you”, shouted Ben. “You jeopardised all of our careers!”
—- – —
“I’m not sure in what state your coke will be in having spent fifteen minutes up my hole”, she said.
— —–
“You know”, said Kelly after a while, “I never knew that a vagina could have so many uses.”
Ben could only nod in agreement.
——-
There was uproar in the court. Shouting from the public gallery. Shouts from the prosecution team. More importantly, the Judge was pounding on his wooden desk with his gavel.
——-
Ben and Dylan were also flabbergasted by Richard’s question. He had given no inkling this was his line of thought or questioning. They stared at Richard’s back, agog.
——
“Let me put it another way. You have already given evidence of Alex’s power in relation to the Koh Tao project. There are a number of competitors involved in the bid. Is it true that the contract would be worth billions of dollars to the winning company?”
——
“So I put it to you, Mr. McCann, that these circumstance show that the defendant is in fact, at best, a deceitful, dishonest man, with certainly not the interests of your firm at heart.”
—–
The public gallery, although small, was full for what would likely prove to be the highlight of the trial, the defendant’s evidence. Paul was brought up from below stairs, and Ben smiled at him. C’mon Paul, he thought.
—– — –
“Well…it seemed inconceivable to me that anyone would want to kill Alex. She was such a beautiful person. But I have come to learn that life is cheap to some people in Thailand.”
——
“So why on earth did you not tell your boss that you were dating the head of the Oil Commission. The very person who was to make a decision on the bid process?
——–
“So, Mr. Cattermole, we are a building up a narrative here of dishonesty. Debt, lying to your boss, lying about your relationship with Alex. Anything else you’re lying about?”
=====
Ben hurried over to Dylan and told him to put his trousers back on. He had seen Dylan do this countless times before in Hong Kong. He had no wish to see Dylan’s penis again.
——-
“My friend Mr. Montri is right on one thing, Judge. That the evidence against my client is completely circumstantial. That to convict a man of the most serious crime, based upon such evidence, would be very dangerous.”
– ———
“First of all, I would like to thank both Counsel for their work in this case. Especially Mr. Yap, who has come all the way from Hong Kong, and has participated in what is a first for the Thai legal system, a trial conducted in the English language.”
– – – – – –
“Not just that, we’ve got The Stones and U2 coming in the next six months! You must come to see them! Bono is going to stay in my apartment!”